You know you're in for a classic Aussie movie experience when the first scene involves a bloke called Chook and a chick named Nicole having a root against a washing machine during Chook's nuptials to another chick called Tania. Is there anything more strayan than that? Chook, Nicole and Tania in a sex triangle with white goods.
 |
The first time I watched Muriel and her Porpoise Spit mates, I laughed at all the right moments, and blushed violently at others, but the whole time I was silently asking myself...
HOLY SHIT. AM I MURIEL?
I was 11-years-old and I was bloody terrified. Is this my destiny? Was I a Muriel Heslop in the making?
I knew then that I had to achieve three things in life in order to not be Muriel Heslop: I had to be thin, I needed to attract a husband and I had to avoid being a useless dole-bludger at all costs.
Flash forward twenty-two years and I've achieved...ah...none of the above.
I reached peak Muriel and I've never been prouder.
While re-watching Muriel's Wedding as a fully grown useless adult I've realised that Muriel/Mariel could teach us a lot more about personal growth than any Hollywood movie montage ever could.
Girlfriend got her shit together in the end. She realised that it was all about doing your thing on your own terms.
Apart from finally understanding that you can't get cancer from having a threesome with two American sailors you meet in a nightclub, re-watching Muriel's Wedding also taught me these important life lessons:
1. Don't try to have sex on a beanbag.
2. If you don't like your life, you can reinvent yourself. And then unreinvent yourself and go back to being your original self if your not happy with your new self? Or something like that.
3. You need a soundtrack to your life. ABBA was Muriel's, mine is gangsta rap.
4. If Deidre Chambers keeps turning up every time your family is trying to enjoy a Chinese feed, she's probably shagging your dad.
5. Never go back to your shitty old friends. They'll always be a bunch of cocksuckers.
Missed my last post? Tap that.
